The Origins of Dominance-Submission
Shame and pride produce an anxiety that can be relieved by sexual dominance or submission
While sadomasochism can be justified by the ability of pain to enhance pleasure and the happiness brought by the endorphin high, the Dominance/submission (D/s) side of the BDSM equation is not so easily explained. The standard answer to the question of why do we like to submit to or to dominate is still “because you are sick”. All the efforts of the BDSM community had barely managed to keep sadomasochism out of the psychology diagnose books. We heartily reject the idea that the desire to submit or dominate comes from childhood trauma, but when asked for alternative explanations we have nothing to offer. And yet, the few studies that have been done revealed that people who practice BDSM are actually psychological healthier than the average. We just don’t know why.
Do we eroticize what we fear?
One possible explanation is that we eroticize what scares us. For example, in his podcast, Dan Savage often talks about how self-assured gay men like to be called “faggots” during sex. Or how feminist women, who are all about female power in real life, like to be dominated in bed. This makes sense: after all, fear releases adrenaline, which is a great aphrodisiac. However, this…
