I tend to like your writing, Ellen, and I agree with you when you write about polyamory and BDSM. That’s why I was utterly surprised and disappointed when I read this article. I have to admit that it evoked some “difficult” emotions in me. However, if I responded to it from my emotions this may evoke some “difficult” emotions in you that you may not handle too well, despite the obvious superiority in handling emotions that you derive from the fact that of being a woman. So I will stop the sarcasm here and give you a rational response.

Not all emotions are the same. Much of what you say about men getting out of control is due to just one emotion, anger. Men have much more trouble dealing with anger than women because testosterone makes our rage neuronal circuit overactive. I believe that every man gets confronted in puberty with the challenge to manage their anger. Many men succeed, but this may be read by people like you as suppressing emotions. We just know that if we feed our anger it will eventually get out of control, so we nip it in the bud. Which is different than suppressing it. Othe men fail and become the out-of-control assholes that you mentioned.

Fear is another negative emotion. In this case, testosterone seems to make men more able to deal with it than women. Men are more prone to take risks and handle them, whereas women are more prone to panic.

Shame is a negative emotion I have written about here in Medium. I suspect that men are more prone to shame than women and more likely to be driven by the opposite emotion, pride. This would explain why men tend to be more ambitious professionally than women: they derive more pride from their successes and more shame from their failure.

Does this sound sexist to you? Is it sexist for me to say negative things about women psychology but not sexist for you to do the same about men? Are we dealing with a double standard here?

UCLA professor. Neuroscientist doing research on pain. Writes about science, philosophy, politics and kinky sex. https://sexsciencespirit.blogspot.com/

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