A Few Politically Incorrect Heresies That May Slightly Improve Your Sex Life

My first heresy when it comes to sex advice will be to turn the hype waaay down. That is why I did not title this article “The Awesome Guide to Superior Sex”, “How to Please Your Goddess” or “Amazing Sex for Dummies”. I know that by not choosing any of these titles I am undercutting myself in the face of the tough competition that I have here in Medium. Still, I think the first advice I can offer when it comes to sex is to keep the expectations low, so it would be hypocritical not to follow my own advice.

My second heresy will be to skip the obligatory blame and shame directed towards men. The thing is, I believe that blaming and shaming does not generally lead to good sexual performance. It is much better to start sex from a place of self-confidence and complicity, if possible spiced-up with a grain of transgression. If these don’t come naturally, I advise you to repeat this mantra before sex: “I am a wonderful human being and the world is a better place because I am here.” In fact, if you are a man, the mantra is mandatory. Trust me on this.

Now, to the other heresies…

Vaginal orgasms are a thing — Really

I know, I know… We have all heard t to exhaustion: “the clitoris is the only sexual organ in the woman” and garbage like that. Yes, of course, most women will cum by stimulating their clits. However, vaginal orgasms are qualitatively different from clitoral orgasms and, for many women, more intense and satisfying. However, a lot of women are not going to have vaginal orgasms just by having penis-in-vagina intercourse. Good vaginal orgasms need to be trained. You do that by finding your G-spot and gradually becoming familiar with it. It may take some work, but it will be fun.

The prostate can you give you as much pleasure as your dick

Now, turning that advice to the guys, if you spend your life having your penis as the only source of pleasure you don’t know what you are missing. Some men attest to having prostate orgasms, but I cannot vouch for this. What I know for a fact is that massaging the prostate feels wonderful and can move our puny, brief masculine orgasms in the direction of those awesome female orgasms we so secretly envy. But there is an entrance price to pay for this pleasure: we have to open our ass holes because that is the only way we are going to get to stimulate the prostate. In fact, it works very similarly to the female G-spot: you penetrate yourself with a toy and start massaging that bulge in the anterior wall of the rectum that is the prostate. Or, you can ask a woman to use a strap-on and peg you. Of course, if you are gay or bi you have access to real cocks, and the sky is the limit.

Pleasure is trainable

Even if something doesn’t feel good at the beginning, by working on it you can end up enjoying it a lot. For example, your nipples. For a lot of women, stimulating the nipples is pleasurable and a few can even have an orgasm just from that. But some other women need to train their nipples by caressing them during masturbation. And this works for men, too. The sensory nerves and their synapses inside the nervous system get gradually strengthened with use. At the same time, conditioned reflexes and association to pleasure establish new pathways inside the brain. This is why you need to keep practicing that G-spot or prostate stimulation for months to get the desired effect, you are actually building a new neuronal architecture. In fact, it is possible to train a lot of different sensations to become pleasurable, even pain. Yes, you read me right: pain can become pleasurable. That is why masochists enjoy being spanked, caned and flogged. I have seen several women having orgasms from a spanking or a caning.

You don’t need to have erectile dysfunction (ED) to benefit from Cialis

Here is another heresy that few dare pronounce these days: fucking is fun and a hard cock makes it much better. Penis-in-vagina intercourse has a bad reputation ever since some dumb-ass in the 70s came up with that “penetration is rape” nonsense. And yet, penetration is the favorite form of sex for a majority of women and, of course, men. I talk about Cialis and not the more stereotypical Viagra because Cialis is about 10 times more potent: a normal dose of Viagra is 50 mg, while 5 mg of Cialis will work just fine. Before I move forward, I should say that I consulted with my doctor before starting using Cialis and I strongly encourage you to do that. If you have some medical conditions Cialis and Viagra can be dangerous, that is why they are sold under prescription. However, an American pharmacy will charge you $40 for a pill of Viagra, whereas you can buy it online for $1 a pill without a prescription. What will Cialis do for you? It will make you very hard, for a very long time. Although it does not increase your libido, it will lower the threshold for a sexual stimulus to produce an erection, which normally has the side effect of making you feel sexier. And if your sex partner is fond of stiff cocks, the pleasure will be mutual. It takes about one or two hours for Cialis to take effect, but you can still feel it two and even three days later. Because it causes the corpus cavernosum to become fully engorged with blood, Cialis can help you maintain your penis size as you age.

Cannabis is your friend

If you still live in a state that has not legalized cannabis (yet), you should stop reading at this point. If recreational cannabis is legal where you live, I have goods new for you. First, there are those wonderful cannabis lubes. They work great in women, for sure, and may also be beneficial for men. Just apply a bit to your clit and get ready for a ride; it will become wonderfully sensitive. Smoking, vaping or eating cannabis can be great for sex, too, but there are few things to consider. First, cannabis will not increase your sex drive and may even slightly decrease it. However, this is countered by the lowering of anxiety and inhibitions it produces (although cannabis can bring paranoia to some people). So, if shame, fear or anxiety is keeping you away from sex, the final effect of cannabis may be to increase your desire. Second, cannabis increases all sensations and helps us focus on them, so for most people it works as an aphrodisiac. Third, cannabis can have opposing effects on communication: at lower doses it relaxes and makes you talk, while at higher doses it causes you to become isolated in your own world of inner sensations and emotions. I am not an expert on cannabis and much about is still unknown. In general, what works best for sex is to keep it at a lower dose and use a cannabis variety rich in cannabidiols (CBDs). The active component of cannabis is delta9-THC, which acts on CB1 and CB2 receptors. CBDs modulate the action of THC at CB1 and CB2 receptors and also act on a third cannabinoid receptor, GPR55, to produce non-psychotropic effects. It seems that cannabis with a higher content in CBDs produces less paranoia and is a better anxiolytic. The best way to modulate the dose of cannabis is to vape it gradually until you reach the right state of mind.

There is no such thing as “light BDSM”

Yes, of course, you can get a light, non-painful spanking, or get your hands tied to the head of the bed. But, really, if you are going to do any BDSM beyond that, do some reading or get some hands-on training. There are BDSM organizations and clubs at all the major cities in the USA that can get you informed. Things that look quite safe, like bondage, actually can be the most dangerous. A rope tied the wrong way can damage a tendon or a nerve for many months. The emotional aspects of BDSM can be very tricky as well. A lot of people, especially women, have “emotional land mines” that can be triggered by the more psychological aspects of BDSM and lead to a panic attack. And, please, never, ever, do “breath play” (asphyxiophilia). It’s quite the fashion these days, but is the only BDSM activity that can actually kill you in a matter of minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I love BDSM, I just don’t think that is something that should be done casually. Think of it as a difficult technical sport, like scuba diving or rock-climbing. Only a fool would do these things without training, right?

I will expand on some of these topics on future articles, so stay put. Provided, of course, that I don’t get burned at the stake for mouthing these awful heresies.

UCLA professor. Neuroscientist doing research on pain. Writes about science, philosophy, politics and kinky sex. https://sexsciencespirit.blogspot.com/

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